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Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe... How to Choose Your Wedding Party

Now that we have addressed the wedding guest list, next up is your wedding party.


Choosing who is going to be your bridesmaids and groomsmen can be such an exciting time! You get to propose to your friend’s asking them to stand by your side on your special day. There are so many cute ideas on how to do this. But first you need to decide on who you want to ask!



There is so much variability in wedding parties. I have seen people have 15, 5, or no bridesmaids and groomsmen. Everyone has a different perspective. Some like to be surrounded throughout their day with friends and family and some like space to focus more internally on the day of. Whatever your decision, only you know what would make you happiest.


Many times those who you ask to be in your wedding party are those who are part of your bachelorette and bachelor parties. That doesn’t mean though that you can’t invite and include additional friends in those events. Whoever you have there is who you want to have a fun night or weekend away with.


When I think of who to choose to be in a wedding party, it is those people that make you feel calm and excited, know when to give you space, and when to bring you a snack. There will be a lot going on and you don’t want to have your stress levels raised by taking care of others.

This is a super cute diagram from Brides of Oklahoma.



If you are looking for a fully detailed guide, here is a great one!

I have been a bridesmaid in multiple weddings. Each time I was so honored and it was such a blast. Being a part of every moment was so special! I also learned from my experience that it would not be the best situation for me to have a formal wedding party. I knew that on the day of I needed a quiet and low energy environment. I get overwhelmed really easily. That is why Cody and I decided that our official wedding party would include just our siblings.



Part of choosing a wedding party is identifying a maid/matron of honor and best man. Most often, whoever is chosen for this honor will help plan all the pre-wedding activities and be your right hand on the day of. If you are going to want to have that person heavily involved in planning, be sure to consider who is up for the task. You will also want to let them know upfront everything that you expect form the (it is an expensive role!). I would suggest evaluating everyone you are considering to think of who is the most supportive and organized. If you have a sister or really close cousin, maybe give them a few extra points on a ranking list. It could be a great bonding experience! Here and here are a few other suggestions.


Once you know who you are asking, and know that they would be up for the task, you get to get creative in popping the questions! There are so many cute ideas, gift boxed, cards, shirts, mugs, and signs on Etsy. I find that personalizing it with a note or mini speech is all that is really needed, but a cute little gift it super cute.


I do want to touch on a the growing trend to limit the wedding party to family. This reason may partly be because of the cost of being in a bridal party. Attending engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorettes, buying outfits, and giving gifts all add up in cost. It is one of the many reasons I chose not to have a bridal party. Stephanie O’Connell Rodiguez breaks this all down in detail here. The other reason we chose to go this rout was because we couldn't chose! Every one of our friends that we invited was so special to us.


If you decide to do something similar, there is a way though to still have those moments and photos with your friends. Instead of having one large gathering for each event, we had different friends and family host different events. I had two bachelorette parties, two bridal showers, and one engagement party. Each was very special, but allowed locals in those areas to attend without the additional cost of travel and instead I traveled around. I share this as an option differing from the standard singular large parties.


For Cody, a bachelor party was planned, but it ended up being cancelled. There was way too much snow at the planned location! Instead, he and a group of friends went out a couple of nights before the wedding. This saved on money because they only had to buy one plane ticket and add on one extra hotel night, which most planned to do regardless since the hotels were so close to the beach.


Even though we didn’t have an official wedding party. We still made sure to get pictures with friends, asking them to arrive a little early to the ceremony. This narrowed list was still hard to make and some people were accidentally left out. There were no specific requirements beyond the men wearing tuxes and the women wearing long pastel/floral colors. Not everyone followed those requests, but that's okay!! It was most important to us for our guests/friends/family to feel comfortable and not everyone had access to a tux or felt pastels to be flattering.


Just as when it comes to picking a guest list, if you pick a wedding party or unofficial one like we did, there is bound to be someone who feels left out or hurt. And, most will understand, especially if they have done this before themselves. Since I didn't have an official bridal party, I will share how I chose for pictures. I considered who I had known the longest and spoke to on a regular basis (more than once a month). These were also the people that helped me with planning even though I didn’t ask or give them a formal title.


I am really happy with how we arranged our wedding party because I was thoughtful when I made that decision. It worked well for us. I do wish I had pictures with everyone, and I sort of thought I would be able to get those casually, but it didn’t happen. There was just so much going on! I had no idea how quickly everything would go until the day started. No matter how many other weddings I attended or was a part of prepared me for my own day. I hope that this will help you feel a little more prepared.


xoxo,

Shana Bryn




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*All product images come from designer's or seller's sites.*

*Link is on each photo for the original source.*

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